Literary Doodad

I've seen a few people doing this "book thing" on their blogs, and the questions and answers interested me, so here's my answers.

1. What author do you own the most books by?

• Kurt Vonnegut

Kurt. I was in Tunisia when I heard he had died. Must have been a slow news week.

2. What book do you own the most copies of?

• Probably only own one copy of any specific book. Do dictionaries count? I'm fairly ruthless at throwing out books I've already read, since I decided I didn't want my house to be a library (I used to read LOTS of books a week and things got out of hand). I recommend Read It Swap It if you're in the UK - a great way to swap that dead paper for new books. Tell me if you know of a NZ equivalent, as I'm building up a pile of books here that aren't shifting on Fishpond.

3. Did it bother you that both those questions ended with prepositions?

• Not at all. I understand the need to generally adhere to basic standards of grammar, but pedantic grammar nazis really get on my tits. Lifes too short, y'know?

4. What fictional character are you secretly in love with?

• Blimey; not sure about "in love with", but the most admirable female character from any book I can think of is Flora in "Cold Comfort Farm".

I didn't know there was a film version.

5. What book have you read the most times in your life (excluding picture books read to children, i.e. Goodnight Moon does not count)?

• "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"; I love dipping into the all-5-books omnibus I own, and just starting to read a random page. There is always something great to rediscover in these books that seems relevant to your life right now. It must be like how reading "The Bible" feels to a christian.

Sage advice

6. What was your favorite book when you were ten years old?

• Not sure if I was exactly ten years old, but the first "proper" book I remember reading was around that age, and was "The Hobbit", which I read in a few days. I've never re-read it either; I'm happy to remember it as a kid's book that I once enjoyed. I'll probably avoid the film.

7. What is the worst book you’ve read in the past year?

• I've not read many books this year, and none of them strike me as particularly crap, so I'm not arbitrarily singling one out.

8. If you could force everyone to read one book, what would it be?

• "Mother Night" by Kurt Vonnegut. The basic lesson of "you are what you pretend to be" is a pretty important one.

Yet again, I didn't know there was a film version.

9. Who deserves to win the next Nobel Prize for Literature?

• Kurt Vonnegut; his short, profound prose that basically tries to remind us all that we are in it together.

10. What book would you most like to see made into a movie?

• "Against A Dark Background" by Iain Banks. I think to do it justice would require more than 90 minutes, though.

11. What book would you least like to see made into a movie?

• Is it too late to say "The Golden Compass"/"Northern Lights" by Philip Pullman? It's a fantastic kids book, but there was obviously loads of stuff that wouldn't work on film, and the reliance on CGI instead of story-telling ruined it. If I'm not allowed that, how about any of the Culture books by Iain Banks - again, they would throw millions at CGI, but I'm not convinced a film could get you inside the improbable characters heads in a believable way.

See, it all seemed more realistic in the book.

12. Describe your weirdest dream involving a writer, book, or literary character.

• Nope, can't think of anything. I don't remember many of my dreams, and the ones I do remember would get me committed if I actually told people about them. Was I supposed to make something up?

13. What is the most lowbrow book you’ve read as an adult?

• Others have said "The DaVinci Code" by Dan Brown, but there are even more deeper depths of shite than that. I give you: "Digital Fortress" by Dan Brown. Working as I do in IT, I recommend this book to customers to explain to them exactly how a firewall doesn't work.

Yeah, this picture doesn't help much either does it?

14. What is the most difficult book you’ve ever read?

• "The Secret Agent" by Joseph Conrad. I've not given up, but I've stalled halfway in, four years ago.

15. What is the most obscure Shakespeare play you’ve seen?

• I've only ever seen one; it was the one where two people dress up and pass themselves off as other people. I think most of the plots in Shakespeare revolve around the fact everyone had poor eyesight and hearing in olden-times. Still good though, and would like to see more of them.

16. Do you prefer the French or the Russians?

• Russians. The French can't beat a good short story from Chekhov, or the suffering in "One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich", or the nauseating claustrophobia of "Crime and Punishment" (a book that made me feel ill by the end of it), or the dark, dry humour of "The Idiot".
• The best the French have to offer; "A Year In Provence" - doesn't hold a candle to any of those.

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17. Roth or Updike?

• I've read "Portnoy's Complaint" by Roth. Was okay I suppose. Don't know anything by Updike, so going to assume it's a draw. That may not be a compliment to either author.

18. David Sedaris or Dave Eggers?

• In the wise words of TSB; "who?"

19. Shakespeare, Milton or Chaucer?

• Insufficient data collected to yet make a sound decision.

20. Austen or Eliot?

• I've only read Austen, so not yet fit to judge.

21. What is the biggest or most embarrassing gap in your reading?

• There are too many books for any one person to read all of them, so no-one should be embarrassed about not having read a book. That said, a few years ago, someone put me onto the "1001 Books To Read Before You Die" book. It's an arbitrary list, generated by a committee, but at the time I'd run out of books by my favourite authors, and decided to give it a go. I've found that so far, only a couple of the books have been stinkers, and it's introduced me to books and authors I would never have previously picked up. I recommend having a skim of it if you are stuck for ideas of what to read next.

22. What is your favorite novel?

• "Survivor" by Chuck Palahniuk. I don't think I can possibly write a spoiler-free explanation of why, so just check it out yourself.

23. Play?

• "The Importance of Being Earnest" - I have an anthology of Oscar Wilde, and the dry, cutting wit in there still makes me smile when skimming it.

24. Poem?

• "Slough" by John Betjeman. I had to work there once with a wanker of a salesman, who I like to think of when I read the fourth verse.

25. Essay?

• "Civil Disobedience" by Henry David Thoreau. The status quo only ever gets worse and it requires an occasional stand to make things better.

26. Short story?

• "The Ones Who Walk Away from Omelas" by Ursula Le Guin. Google it. It's definitely short and thought provoking.

27. Work of nonfiction?

• "Computer Networks" by Andrew Tanenbaum. I dare you to dip into this book and not learn something interesting.

28. Who is your favorite writer?

• Not a fair question. On any given day it would probably be a fight between Iain Banks, Robert Heinlein, Kurt Vonnegut, Philip K Dick or Douglas Adams.

29. Who is the most overrated writer alive today?

• J.R. Hartley

30. What is your desert island book?

• For practical reasons, "The SAS Survival Handbook".
• For entertainment, probably "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" anthology just because it rewards repeated re-reads.

31. And…what are you reading right now?

• "The Colour" by Rose Tremain. One of the books off that 1001 List I mentioned earlier, about early settlers in New Zealand.

Your turn.